Hearing vs. Listening

Appreciation for Silence as We Age

Growing up, my brother and I would spend one day each week at my grandparents' house. My grandpa was exceptionally quiet most of the time, and I probably only ever heard him speak a thousand words or so over the years from what I remember. For reference, that's about the length of two of these essays. For the majority of my life, I never understood how someone could be so quiet. Only until recently have I gained a deeper appreciation for silence, which came mostly from growing up but also from listening to gifted speakers and reading works of skilled writers. I've also recorded a few podcasts and have experienced the normally unpleasant experience of hearing yourself talk (in some cases, too much). Over recent years, I have consciously attempted to listen more attentively and speak and converse more precisely. I've found that the amount and quality of my listening has improved nearly linearly with my age, and this has informed my perception of the value of silence when communicating.Silence, like many things, can be taken too far. With the release of convenient and wireless noise-canceling headphones, it became possible to make the entire world silent and remain fully immersed in whatever audio you choose while you go about your day, go for a walk, work out, or any other time. This sounds great in practice, being fully in control of exactly what you hear without having to listen to anything else that could possibly distract you. I thought the same thing for a while, and many days I would do just that. Whether it's a book, a podcast, a phone call, or music, it was always something.It didn't take long for me to realize that what I thought was a superpower was actually taking me away from something that I now realize is entirely necessary: everyday sounds and silence. From hearing the sound of small waves crashing while walking along the water to hearing the sound of a car horn that leads you to jump out of the way, hearing these sounds are essential to resetting yourself and in the latter case, not dying. While the concept of attuning yourself to the natural world can apply to all senses in different ways, sound is the sense that we happen to have the most control over through noise-canceling technology.While technology can enhance so many aspects of life, improving your ability to speak and listen can often be as easy as engaging in thought-provoking conversations with your closest friends. Some of the best conversations in my life have been with my brother and my best friends. I'm defining "best" here by striking a perfect balance between the right level and efficiency of word choice with the right cadence of the conversation. Other characteristics include an emotional awareness and a genuine appreciation for what the other is saying, while both coming away from the conversation having better defined their own perspective of and knowledge on whatever was being discussed.If you decide that you want to improve your listening or speaking skills, perhaps you could start by paying a visit to a close friend and intently having a conversation about a topic that you care about, or by taking your headphones out of your ears and reacquainting yourself to the world around you, or by appreciating the silence of an elder as they recall to you a story about their life.